Nineteen years ago my grandfather passed away two days after Christmas. I was in sort of a denial phase. The previous year, was a terrible Christmas. My other grandfather went into the hospital, he never fully recovered, and died six months later. I also spent that Christmas day in a prison visiting a relative–not metaphorically, but with real razor wire, guards, and inmates. It felt grey. I can’t remember the Christmas before when they were both alive and well. I can’t remember the last Christmas I had at my childhood home before everything changed forever.

For years I had a hard time with Christmas. I couldn’t look forward to it. I felt the dread of anticipation not the excitement. So many plans where the object is short lived happiness. What could go wrong? This is situation is about as fragile as the glass ornaments I see no reason to put on my tree with little children around. Christmas seemed like a lot of hype that had little to do with anything. A lot of vapor that was really gone in a second. Traditions seemed like a hollow excuse, a manipulation to relive some past moment that could never be captured—much like that vapor that life is. I still believe that tradition should never be used in such a way. But never the less, unlike any other holiday or season, a large part of Christmas is memories, tradition, and nostalgia.

When something bad happens at Christmas it memorializes that tragedy in a unique way. I don’t mean ordinary bad things like being late for work, burning dinner, or the car breaking down. I mean the kind of thing that when revealed it leaves you with that sick hollow ache that won’t leave you even when the morning comes. It keeps you from sleeping, relentlessly hangs on you, and you know down deep that even if you heal and things are made new nothing will be the same. Same. Same isn’t that what people try to do at Christmas? Go back to some Same Place that comforts and brings joy. But now, now, this is the new normal this new thing this horror, this tragedy is the thing you will remember every year or you remember nothing. The evil corrupts even the good Christmases.

Its hard to write this I don’t want to go down this haunted path. But I know, know it in my heart that others experienced death, betrayal, and grief when the world is full of nothing but twinkle lights and parties. And I want to share the hope I found.

Quite awhile ago I began a journey answering the question, “What if I was motivate by joy instead of fear?” Now when I asked this, I didn’t necessarily have a lot of joy and since then, fear still has raised its monstrous head. But the journey of asking the question led me to a see that I had an earthly world view of life and not an eternal one. While this perspective has grown there was one particular moment where it was solidified, and that moment redeemed Christmas even the saddest ones giving them permission to be horrible and sad. And, they lost their power to corrupt.

Two years ago and about 10 months into my journey in Joy, I attended a devotional that my son’s 7th grade class lead. Each student shared a verse and to my surprise the verses were on joyfulness. The last verse was quoted by my own son. We all know the passage, even Linus!

Luke 2:9-10 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. (KJV)

That moment condensed fear vs joy; it was the culmination of my entire year and all of history in one verse. Without that moment in history, when the word became flesh, we wouldn’t have a hope of joy. Now I see Christmas differently because the Christmas season is a discipline in advent where we look forward in the wishes of Christmas Day joy. It reminds me that we are in a season of ADVENT right now. We are looking forward to the hope of Christ’s return. That hope is certain, it is not a wish. Embracing the future hope is what has given me joy when I felt like all was lost. That hollow feeling following tragedy has much to do with why the WORD became flesh and dwelt among us. He is the light in the darkness. He came to bring hope to all people torn by the darkness of this world.

4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 (NASB)

Mourning and grief at Christmas is really just part of the larger story of ALL TIME. The modern Christmas season is a just the prism of The Story. It is a picture of it all. We weep now, but joy is promised. We can grieve even when joy is promised just as Jesus wept with the women when their brother died. Yet he was going to raise him in moments. Tragedy is part of life but we get through it because of the hope that we have in him. Christmas is no different, it is the hope that we have in him and everyone is celebrating around us. Like one day, when every knee will bow. This momentary light affliction is nothing compared to the eternal weight of glory! Turn your eyes upon Jesus and the things of this world will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace. And suddenly our life isn’t just a vapor anymore it is ETERNAL. Death has lost its sting. We might not know what our life will be like tomorrow but we know that one day we will see him face to face and we will be like him for we shall see him as he is! Do you see how amazing that is? That we will be like HIM? That isn’t just being saved from our sins for that is mercy. For him to make us like him is grace, how can we even imagine what that will be like? We are looking forward in an advent, The Advent of all time, to the day when our joy will be realized, the darkness breaks, the morning comes, the tears are gone and the healing is complete.

“The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.”
And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at least they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.
– C.S Lewis, The Last Battle

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