It’s an unpredictable business, Julie, going out your door. You step onto the…… ….. front door mat, but its grass. One of my children did this. And one of my children will clean it up.
The night did night sleep well. Or was it just me?
The sunshine is indecisively contemplating its cloudiness for the day. I’m thinking of how the school year ends or if it will.
The cool breeze awakes the sleepy windchime, but let’s it rest between long breaths. The day’s to do list rattles my subconscious in the early hours and its length stretches past the stars and the moon.
The sun is warm, the birds are loud. The windchime is still. The sun is high in the sky.
This morning was a benadryl hangover and a side of coffee kind of morning.
In my morning musings I’ve tried to steer clear of the controversy of late. Hopefully I’ll not stir up much this morning. But these morning thoughts are just that, the thoughts in my head. I’ve been sharing them as openly as I feel appropriate.
I think we all to to recognize something.
We did it.
The curve is flattened.
I’d like to make something clear. Lately people seem to assume my words have meaning that they don’t. If I post something suggesting that Covid was here sooner than the experts say; I might be causeing some kind of revolt. If I listen to the experts I’m feeding the agenda to oust the president. If I site the experts questioning the models, I’m might be pushing a fringe theory. If I point out media bias between leaders I’m really attacking one of the leaders. If I post a some light hearted satire it goes down hill quickly and I’m getting it from both sides of the isle.
We set out on a goal a month an a half ago. The goal was to flatten the exponential growth curve so that the medical system wouldn’t be over taxed, so we wouldn’t have to triage dieing people, so that the medical system could prepare for people to get sick over the next year or more as the country developed heard immunity and a vaccine was created. The goal was never to save us from sickness, nor that we could prevent all deaths from Covid-19. We all assumed or should have assumed that most of the population would catch, at some point, the novelle severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2).
Somewhere along the way, this turned into a character debate. Either you are terrible because you don’t care if people die or you don’t care about the economy or people’s livelihood. The reality is both are at risk and we cannot save every life nor save the economy–the economy is wrecked.
We set on a goal, the American people need to see that we achieved that goal. We flattened the curve, there wasn’t a rationing of care, the medical system has ramped up and is still working hard. We need to see the success.
We also need to admit that mission wasn’t without risks –risks that would cost loss of life and livelyhood throughout the globe.
We now need a new goal. A new mission to save the livelihood of Americans and much of the world because they depend on us too. We have to admit it won’t be without risks and that we need to be cautious.
Life will not go back to normal, small companies and businesses in the supply chain are closing. We face a new future with new dangers. Therefore, we need to work together and not attack each other for each recognizing the risks. No matter what course we plot there will be dangers ahead. There are no, nor was there ever a completely safe option. We need each others perspectives to see those dangers, and each others perspectives to see our mutual successes and to make future goals.
The picture for today: Potential energy or potential danger? Is that a false dichotomy?
Its an early kind of morning. Its for waking too early and not falling back to sleep. Its for seeing the light in the horizon before the sun rises kind of morning.
The sun is bright even at a young hour. The coffee is warm. Today needs to be a To Do List day, a day for checking boxes and crossing things of the lists.
This weekend I spent a lot of time helping my students, my at home public school students, making lists for school. I have a mental list of my own I set aside to help them, now I probably need to make an actual list.
I’m still working on my younger boys’ room, or at least I still have things on the list to do. My husband fixed, as in basically rebuilt, a dresser for them this weekend. So I know he has things pilling on his to do list. The 5 kids all have lessons and assignments they must do. Plus we have the dishes, the laundry, the coooking….and now I’m thinking Cinderella’s step mother.
“Now, let me see … There’s the large carpet in the main hall. Clean it! And the windows, upstairs and down. Wash them! Oh yes. And the tapestries and the draperies. Do them again! And don’t forget the garden. And scrub the terrace, sweep the halls and the stairs, clean the chimneys, and of course there’s the mending and the sewing and the laundry. Oh yes, and one more thing. See that Lucifer gets his bath.”
But there is no ball for anyone to go to no matter the clothes. And quite frankly with all these things to get caught up on, thank goodness I don’t need to go anywhere today!
I guess thats why I woke up early!
The morning is new, but “we are burning daylight!” (That’s from John Wayne in Cowboys)
Its a chilly overcast extra coffee kind of morning. The birds and rooster call each other and the windchime joins in occasionally.
My mind can’t settle on anything today. So many thoughts. So many ideas. But like gophers that disappear down their holes the idea vanishes before I can catch them. Then when I’m still and quiet they all come back out, jumping and leaping illogically from point to point. Then dive away whenever I look at them, then poke their heads out and snicker at me. If I don’t catch one now and put into little black letters on the page, they will be leaping about all day and distracting me. But I guess that is the kind of day it is–an extra coffee kind of day.
Its a late Saturday morning. Its not so much that it is late in the morning, but that it’s the kind of morning that isn’t for earliness. The rain has brought out the richness of the varied hues of spring greens. The white dogwood flowers stand out in contrast and the rhododendron has begun to flower though its trying to keep it a secret.
I’ll be honest, if you had told me a year ago or six months ago that right now I would have to spend six weeks at home this spring with very limited trips out, I would have thought you were teasing me with a wonderful fantasy that could not happen. There is still a sense of relief that I feel. I think I was just tired trying to keep up. Plus I really needed to be able to focus attention here on the house and the home aspects of life (yes those are differen things). Yet to many outside things pulled me away that are more draining than filling, to the point that even the few “filling” things were really a wash. The effort to get there was as much as I got from it.
Last week was a low for me. I lost a lot of motivation. The aloneness and seemingly endlessness wore on. But this reminds me of what G. K. Chesterton wrote in Orthodoxy.
“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”
And maybe Chesterton is right because to His mercy every morning he says, “Do it again.”
We aren’t strong enough to delight in the monotony, but he is and he gives us a new day that renews us. His joy is our strength- not his commands, not his power, not his anger, not his rightenesss–his joy is our strength.
The sky today is really cool this morning. There is a band of clouds that look like a blue shadow is cast on the side of them but the tops are luminescent. In another view from the porch are much grayer clouds that suggest rain might come soon.
Today is our last day of C.C. and last homeschool zoom class for the year. I haven’t much time this morning for typing. So I’ll stick to the morning sun.
The sun peaks out from the clouds for a moment and lights up the trees. The water on the leaves and needles shines and glitters in a fairyland way.
This morning is very foggy and windy. Its cool and I’m back in my green snuggie. The wind is so strong it pushes me in the porch swing and rain spits at me under the porch. The rain drops on the phone shine like iridescent rainbows. The windchime is awake and the only bird I can hear over it and the wind are the neighbor’s roosters. More fog falls over the driveway in waves. The white dogwood flowers stand out against the grey world. The morning is beautiful.
Its almost like yesterday’s moods though brought today’s weather. Yesterday was a struggle and I didn’t even feel like pushing past it, but then it turned out one of my kids was hitting the isolation pandemic wall and I had to help her push past it.
Its almost nice to have yucky weather today. All of us will have to huddle inside, trying not to kill each other….I MEAN love each other… It will be a change and change is something we have had little of lately and we aren’t exactly sure when and how things will change.
There may not have been a dawn that I could witness, but the Lord’s mercy is still new every morning. Today is a new day…..with no mistakes in it…😉yet.
I slept later today then went on a Facebook scroll that landed me on a YouTube rabbit hole that turned up on the Island of LOST, which fits my belief of an Island Genre Story where anything can happen and today my wandering proved it. ….Have I mentioned I’m nerd….a story nerd. Not a well trained English teacher or Writer, or professor of literature. No those people know what they are talking about. I’m kinda like kinda like what a conspiracy theorists is to Scientists. My brain is all flibbertigibbet making connections to movies now and I’m off in my own world.
Reset. Porch Swing. Breath. Come back.
The breeze is gentle on my cheeks. I hear the windchime. Its swings to a stop and I hear the birds and roosters calling. The sun makes shadow pictures on the driveway and spotlights the random collection of chairs and seats on the porch. In the distance is a car or truck that gets closer and fades away. My coffee is the perfect temperature.
Today is the 40th day I’ve been writing my morning thoughts. The 40th day we have isolated ourselves. Its 40 days since I started counting since I stepped foot in a store (though I am planning to later today!). In these 40 days I have been looking at how this can be a reset for us.
This weekend I cleaned up my little boys’ room and boxed everything think up and put it out of reach. Then yesterday instead of normal school we measured the their room and I showed them how to draw it on graph paper. They had to work together— which was hard for them and listen to each other. We made a plan to divide up their room to organize it. I hope it taught them skills of self responsibility and working together– much like group projects in school. Except they don’t get a grade, they have to live with it. Just like school projects, in this the work and plans may not be evenly distributed as baby brother left half way through the plans only to come back for a briefing at the end. Their will be disagreements to come of course but because of a common goal there has been more agreement than usual. This is a reset.
Each morning is a reset, “new with no mistakes in it…yet.” The Lords Mercy is new every morning.
The house is still this morning. Outside the birds are awake and call to each other. The light shines gently through the trees and a few clouds. The windchime is stationary.
Making some coffee this morning, I noticed how quite and still the house was and it made me imagine what it would be like to wake up to an empty house. Yesterday, was a rough day for me. It wasn’t any one thing so I can’t even explain entirely why. But despite having a rough day, I realized this morning the loss I would feel, if I woke up to an empty house.
Our state will be lifting its Safer at Home Orders at the end of the month, though I think our area may take some more time and our County School system already made the decision to not have students come back. I see change on the horizon, though no one knows what this will look like or what the consequences will be. I’m not sure exactly how I feel, but I’m sure I don’t want things to go back exactly the way they were. I hope, we are different, I hope we have changed. I hope we value the connection with people–even strangers more. I hope we value family more.
For now though, we are all likely to follow our pattern we have developed for nearly 40 days-here alone together. The sun is so beautiful, shining on a world shaded in green tones. The temperature is lovely and the air freshly scented in a way all laundry detergent companies can only envy.
I’m so greatful its Spring, I’m so greatful FOR Spring.
The morning is old and looking to graduate to the afternoon. The sun is strong and warm flying well above the treeline.
I’m often indecisive when I know I have several things that ought to be done but I’m not entirely sure how to execute those tasks or what the specific tasks ought to be. Its like all the kids are vying for my attention at once. I know they all need attention but I have only a vague idea what any of them wants, what demand is the most important one to listen first, and what kind of attention any of them needs.
I have several projects, tasks, and responsibilities, desires, and hopes all competing for my attention and I have no idea how to do it. I think ultimately I’m going to have to say no to something, partly due to logistics and partly due to the other competing demands. And I fear being completely disappointed and disappointing others.
Well, not others, but one other–my Mom. Today is her birthday and I’ve tried to think of a way to make it a special birthday but with everything going on, my creativity has run out.
If you know my mom please wish her a happy birthday!
Mom, I miss you both so much. 😢 I wish we could go out to dinner or even bring dinner in and let the kids all hang out in your living room floor playing legos and all of us watch a movie together, but I think we will have to celebrate another time. I’m so sad–I’m not sure I realized how sad till I wrote this out–that I can’t make today special. I love you.
Rough Draft ¶aragraphs 