“Mom, can we look at the Christmas stuff they have here [at Lowe’s] when you’re done?”
I was on a scouting mission at Lowe’s because I am designing some shelves for the boys’ room, as a part of getting ready for a new little baby joining us soon [December 2013]. It’s the Sorting, Shifting and Storing Season before a baby comes.
“We will see,” I said cringing a little because I’m not sure how Christmas is going to be this year.
It’s November [of 2013] and I am due to have our fifth baby on Christmas Day. My husband just took a 2nd full time job. He started his own firm this year and things are going well but like most business start-ups we are now thankful for cheaper health insurance and steady pay check that the 2nd job provides. However, the 60-80 hours a week he is working is daunting to us both. [Looking back now in 2018– 60 hours per week was nothing, it was much closer to the 80hrs – with no real sick days but that’s another story.] It doesn’t take Shawn Spencer to “read between the lines” that Christmas is going to be very different this year. It will be small in adventures, small in experiences, small in parties, small in activities, small presents, small in decorations, small in energy, and small in time. And this means small in the big one: “TRADITION.” Some of you sang that didn’t you? I did.
And speaking of small, there is the small house. There is always a trade off in a little house when you decorate for anything even just for everyday life. But for Christmas, I ask myself, “Which piece of furniture do we move to put up a Christmas tree and where do we store it? How badly do we need it for the next month? If we don’t need it for an entire month, do we really need it in the first place? I’m doing this same thing now, but for the baby. “What do we do with the table in our daughter’s room when we put up the crib?” for example. I pointed out to the kids that we are going to have to clean out things through the whole house to make room for the baby coming; not to mention during Christmas when we usually bring more things into the house like, THE TREE.
“Ohhh,” they said, and they immediately started talking about not having a real tree or even fake one and just hanging something like a picture from the wall or a tiny model tree from the ceiling.
They were fine with the idea of not even having a Christmas tree! Kids adapt more than we give them credit, I think. I pointed out that their little brother (age four) has been talking all year long about getting another Christmas tree.
I said, “Even if it’s a little Charlie Brown tree, we ought to have something.” And the kids agreed, right away.
But I admit….my encouragement for a tree was as much for me as it was for my little boy. I want to take the kids to the tree farm and cut down a tree because I love watching the little ones, in particular, run around the trees, play, and pick out a tree. It’s a tradition and just like the furniture, we are going to have to pick which traditions are the most important to us this year. Which ones do we have money for? Which ones will we have time for? Which ones will we have space for? The tree farm is the one I want.
To some, Christmas just isn’t Christmas without family traditions. To me, they can be sacred cows* sometimes. I’ve heard so many people talk about the magic of Christmas and holding on to certain traditions because those always made Christmas feel magical. I’ve had more than one mother with kids at home and empty nesters tell me that traditions (Christmas ones) help define their family and bring them together. I don’t think they mean this from a theological definition, but a practical one. Now that my two oldest kids are old enough to think about what they did before, I see how they pull together in the name of traditions. They both want the same thing. Two kids that argue daily wanting the same thing–that’s big, isn’t it? I see it in myself now too. I remember that moment when a kid lit up when we went Christmas tree hunting. That little look, the glee in the voice when they see a little Christmas tree growing that is smaller than them.
That’s the moment people often think of at Christmas as being ‘magical.’ Sometimes those magic moments are between people, especially people we care about like family. Last year my ‘magical moment’ was between my then 3 year old son and his great grandmother who is struggling with Parkinson’s and was probably medicated so much because of the big day that between the disease and the medicine she couldn’t interact much. But when my little boy went up to her all on his own and looked her in the face and kissed her she lit up and she kissed him back. And for that brief moment I saw “MeeMee” again. I think this is the big reason people want to be with family at the holidays. Even with all the other stuff—the travel, the different personalities, unresolved conflicts—we love these people and miss them and want to capture those special moments again. And so, “getting together” itself becomes a tradition.
It is ‘magical moments’ that can start a tradition. We remember how great it was when we did the advent calendar, or decorated the tree, or how much so-and-so loved that special dessert so you make it again—just for them, because you want to see their face. Maybe a few more people start to love it too and do the same thing with their kids. It becomes a tradition passed down to another generation. It’s special, it’s defining, it becomes sacred (meaning; something set apart) for that family. When people move away, get married, have job changes, die, or even a have a baby at Christmas time it can threaten these traditions that we have set apart. And it hurts to let them go. Or is it that we feel we are letting the people go, and that’s what hurts?
When I was finished with my scouting expedition at Lowe’s I let the two kids that were with me go through the Christmas stuff. They loved it. The four year old was so excited. He didn’t think we were getting anything; he just loved looking at it all. I realized all of this was still new for him, so it was exciting. Then it hit me. That is the same face and expression he had at the Tree Farm. That was new for him. He is little, EVERYTHING is new to him.
I was caught off guard by the juxtaposition between tradition of old (doing the same thing every year) and how that tradition is often built on someone’s excitement of the ‘new.’ I think this is where the sacred cow part comes in. This is the part where my kids are willing to pull together for the new baby. They aren’t pulling together in order to relive the past. Its because they are looking forward to the future (this coming Christmas) not the past. That is what Advent really means—a coming arrival. While walking through fake Christmas trees, I remembered that I can’t relive a moment. You can’t recapture a NEW moment by doing the ‘same’ thing again. It won’t be magical, because it never really was magical. At least no more than our everyday lives already are. I get to see that little four year old light up like that every day. And if I paid more attention, the arguing kids get along and pull together over more than just traditions. That moment between my little fellow and MeeMee was not a Christmas moment, it was just a moment. Christmas is an invented Holiday, its just a day. We set it aside to remember what Christ did but we are supposed to remember him as often as we eat and drink our ordinary meals. That moment with my son and MeeMee is special because it CAN’T be relived. It can’t be contrived and neither can any of the other special moments that built traditions. An attempt to do creates the sacred cow.
Whether or not you have a four year old in your life, I bet you have these moments all the time too if you just pay attention to them. I admit it’s easier to see them through the eyes of someone who sees it all as new. However, the world is full of life and new things. The are small. They seem mundane until you open your eyes. Take a page from Ellie’s scrapbook from the movie UP. Life is the Adventure. So, just because Christmas might be small in adventures, small in experiences, small in parties, small in activities, samall in presents, small in time, small in energy, [small in house] and small in TRADITION;” life will not be small, because life is all those things and more. The small things are what make life big.
Author’s Note:
I wrote this back in November 2013. My son that was born that Christmas is NOW four for only a few more weeks. Because my last four year old will soon be 5, I find I must resist holding on to the past in a way that tries to relive it, instead of grow and take joy from it.
*The phrase “sacred cows” was something my mom used when I was growing up, referring to the golden calf that Arron created when Moses was on the Mountain, however she used it figuratively to refer to something that is held as so important that it can’t be changed.
Merriam Webster:
one that is often unreasonably immune from criticism or opposition
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